my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
