She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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