I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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