we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
