One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Green mimosas i think yes
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
