College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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