saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
