I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
