i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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