I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
