Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
