my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just saw a hot homeless man
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
