Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
false alarm. still invincible.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
