In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
