Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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