My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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