she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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