Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
