either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
