I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
