And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
