You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
