decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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