Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
