I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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