I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
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just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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