There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
