M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
