i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
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Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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