The maid of honor just puked.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
