Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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