Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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