i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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