3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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