i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Let's paint friendship bongs
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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