I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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