home. puking in laundry basket.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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