I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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