the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
