i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
