I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I came so hard my ears popped.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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