i jhust puked up my retainher.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
