Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Small penises have feelings too.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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