he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
