I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
