also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
