Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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