erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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