I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Pants are for mortals
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
