How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm just crazy horny about you
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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