I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
