i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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