I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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