So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
