D3 body, D1 cock
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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