I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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