My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
