my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
