So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
then he tried to convert me to islam
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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