The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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