Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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