I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
