is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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