I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
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No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
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Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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