I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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