I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
